I’m done with my lady womb.

More done than I am with underboob sweat, and that’s a lot done.

I’m done having the babies to keep for myself and Patrick has been snipped up to keep the tadpoles from reaching through my cervix, so it’s time to take out the whole factory. What more does it do for me than cost money for feminine hygiene products while I ride horses and make me worry that I can’t wear white pants for 5 days a month?

Periods are stupid.

The every-28-day sloughing off the bloody innards of my Texas Longhorn is just another pain in my bagina, and I’m over it.

The obvious questions begs: If I elect to have my uterus removed, can I lay it out in a dehydrator and make it into a healthy Lady Jerky?

At the time I shat out my two babies, I was in the closet about all of this new-age/ancient ritual business that I could eat my own placenta for nutrients. I feel like I missed out on all of those important steps in the bonding experience with my discarded organ.

photo via inhabitots

According to one guy, placenta jerky tastes like “dry, gamy, bland jerky.” So pretty much like all gas station jerky, daddy?

Mayer takes a bit of dehydrated, cooked placenta she saved and ceremoniously places a portion in their open palms. The pieces are brown, shriveled, and brittle—like old shoe leather left out in the sun.

Because nothing is more ceremonious than eating your insides and offering it to your closest and dearest.

Placenta Brisket, anyone?

photo credit Kathryn Parker Almanas via NY Mag

I’m totally down for trying new foods. As long as it doesn’t rhyme with Picken on Chizza, let’s put it in my mouth! Saying that takes me back to my early teen years. Memories.

Or maybe a uterus Teddy Bear? We could trade it around the house to snuggle and keep us warm in our dreams. And if Uterus Teddy Bear got tired of hanging around here, we could send her on trips like Flat Stanley.

photo via inhabitots

Who wants Uterus Teddy Bear first?

At this point in my 35th year of life, having a Uterus Teddy Bear would be more beneficial to my life than the monthly hassle of shoving cotton swabs up my lady hole.

Or if anyone wants to rent out my space for 9 months, I’m totally open to growing your baby.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: being a woman, eating placenta, menstruation, placenta jerky, uterus teddy bear

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Surfing the ‘net in our panties: it’s how we do. Though this picture was taken 4 years ago, it could have been taken yesterday, save for the pacifiers and nakedness. Now it’s just me and Patrick who surf the ‘net in our panties.

Pleasantville School [name changed to protect my kids from you weirdo stalkers] will be a BYOT school beginning August 2012
(Bring your own Tech)
Students in 3rd, 4th and 5th are requested to bring an ipad (tablet devise [Kindle Fire, etc.]) or netbook to school daily. Laptops and other devices which have internet access and good battery are also acceptable (iphone, ipod) .

Each classroom will have several devices which students who do not have personal tech will be able to share and use while in the classroom. However, they will not be able to load personal work or applications on the school machines.

Pleasantville School has always been cutting edge and we plan to continue to move our students forward.

The above was included in an email I just received from my girls’ public elementary school’s principal.

I wouldn’t want to be behind the principal’s desk today. I can only imagine the emails and phone calls with which she’s being bombarded.

Honestly, I’m kind of super excited that this is happening at my girls’ school. I’m not happy that I’ll be the one paying for the new tech my 8-year-old will be toting back and forth to school, but if I didn’t pay for it, the school would have to take money away from other things to pay for it.

They’ve already taken substitute teachers, cursive writing, recess for older kids, non-microwaved food, teacher’s aides, proper art & music curriculum, and copy paper out of the budget.

I’d rather buy my kid her own technology and have control over it than have more money taken out of her classroom. GOD KNOWS, they apparently need more money (or maybe just smarter people) for figuring out how to create and assess a standardized test.

To fill you in, Florida is where the State School Board makes arbitrarily tougher requirements for passing standardized tests, only to get the results back and find they set the passing score too high and have to pass an emergency rule lowering the passing score.

Without it, only about a third of students would have passed the writing portion of the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test, or FCAT, compared to 80 percent or better last year.

(Education Commissioner Gerard) Robinson acknowledged some things “slipped through” the Department of Education but promised they would be corrected. The department failed to sufficiently stress changes in this year’s test to school districts and teachers, he said. ~Miami Herald

I don’t want those yahoos responsible for getting my kid the best of what she needs. Whenever I can have control, I accept it without protest.

We are super massively extra fortunate to live in our neighborhood where the elementary school is the #2 ranked public elementary school in the state. Of course, this is Florida, so that’s not saying too much, but out of all the other schools in this assbackwards state, we’re in the tops.

To be one of the best, it unfortunately means making sacrifices. In this case, it’s a monetary sacrifice, and I’m not complaining. In other cases, it’s time sacrifices or discipline sacrifices. But to be the best, the expectations are high, and having been a teacher, I know what it takes and which fights to start.

Buying my 8-year-old $200 worth (I’m looking at you, Kindle Fire) of technology that will help her be a better learner, be a better student, and be a better member of society is not a fight in which I’m participating.

It will be a sacrifice for us to shell out several hundred dollars for her education, but at least we know 3 months ahead of when it’s required. We can be responsible parents by having Anna help out with the purchase so she understands the value of what she’s getting.

We will NOT be those parents who protest the evolution of learning just because it’s uncomfortable and different from how we did things growing up.

We are fortunate to have the opportunity to make this sacrifice.

We’re not above asking for help in supporting our kids, so if you’re buying anything from Amazon.com any time soon, how about using this fancy affiliate link to Amazon so they will pay me for your purchase? My make-believe budget thanks you.

UPDATED with this video that better explains BYOT (Bring Your Own Technology):

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 16 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: elementary school, ipad in school, kids, tablet

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I was on a Mother’s Day cruise to Cozumel for 4 nights with 12 other women and 3 older men.

Unfortunately, they were all related to me. Or maybe I should say fortunately.

Because all of these things happened:

I went snorkeling at 3 different reefs with a Mayan and got my ass sunburned.

I spotted a pod of dolphins with 4 baby dolphins.

I became just a head as I floated away from Mexico with my aunt.

I had a few Rum Punches to ease the pain of stupidity on my sunburned face.

I wore my “Yay Cleavage” t-shirt in a photo with my Grandma.

I drank wine from a bottle in a very classy way.

I drank a tropical drink with an umbrella before we even left the port of Tampa.

I got a video of the dolphins that’s difficult to watch because OH MY GOT, THE WIND AND THE ROCKING.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 8 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: cozumel, cruise, mother's day

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Yes, finally.

Yes, it took 3-1/2 years of his Presidency to say it.

Yes, he said made his proclamation the day after yet another state outlawed gay marriage.

Yes, it’s true that there may not be any major changes in our laws or national constitution because of his announcement.

Baby steps, friends.

But this isn’t just a baby step; this is a message to every gay, lesbian, trans, questioning person that the President is on our side.

Finally.

Though then-prospective candidate Barack Obama said back in the 90s that he did believe in marriage equality, it’s taken until today for him to solidify his belief that “gay and lesbian Americans should be treated fairly and equally.”

Unfortunately, too many people in this country believe that civil rights are up for a vote. They shouldn’t be. Every single person should be given the same rights as every other person by Constitutional law.

Until then, we’re taking baby steps and huge Presidential steps to where people are equal, no matter our beliefs or lifestyle or skin color.

I feel like making out with a girl to celebrate this day, and it would look something like this:

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 9 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: barack obama, gay is ok, gay marriage

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You know how you have people in your life whom you admire from afar, sometimes letting it slip that you’re madly in love with their talent?

That’s how I feel about Megan. She and I aren’t necessarily best buds or even talk on a regular basis. But I know her, I’ve had dinner with her, and since I started this whole blogging thing, she was one of the first blogs I read with regularity. I have a feeling she likes me, too.

Megan’s blog, Velveteen Mind, is one of those places you go when you want to read with your heart. She doesn’t blog often, and if she did, I don’t think her writing would be as cherished as it is when she does post. I’m probably wrong in that assumption though, because someday soon, she’ll publish a book that wins awards and is a part of required high school English reading.

And I’ll admit, there are some things she writes that takes me a few times to understand because it’s just that intricate and cerebral and well-woven.

But she can’t be too cerebral because she’s in my circle of people. Lordy knows you can’t be too smart and be in my circle of people.

I’m telling you about my girl-crush on Megan because she wrote something that needs to be shared and read by as many people as possible.

A few weeks ago, she shared with her social networks that her daughter, Iris (seen below in her belly, standing next to Heather’s belly with Annie), was having seizures and she asked for prayer and healing energy. The story of what exactly happened and how she saved her own daughter’s life is written at length and with great maternal care on Megan’s blog: I Heard God Laugh. And It Sounded Like Screaming.

As parents and responsible adults, when there is something to learn that could save a child’s life, it’s up to us to share it so that even just one little life is saved.

This is my chance to share what Megan has learned in hopes that someone who reads her daughter’s story will recognize the signs of a Febrile Seizures when the time comes and save a life.

Go read it, love on Megan, and hopefully she won’t run screaming from me for revealing my lust for her written words.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: febrile seizures, megan jordan, velveteen mind

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I don’t know why or how I didn’t notice this before now.

It was only when I had to commit the egregious Crime of Misspelling when entering the “skip the ad” word into the video player box when all I wanted to do was watch Russell Brand go off on some heckler at his stand-up show.

Pee.Ess. As much as I hate ads in videos, I appreciate the ways to skip them, so kudos, PerezHilton.com.

Pee.Pee.Ess. I didn’t even watch the whole video because I was so enraged at Downy.

Pee.Pee.Pee.Ess. OK, so “enraged” is exaggerating my emotions a bit, but I’m not happy.

Amy Sedaris is one of my all-time favorite funny people. She’s in a crapton of TV shows as a guest star where she really just needs her own daily show replacing Chelsea Lately. Or maybe she can take over for that dinosaur, Jay Leno. Either way, she needs her own show, and I would watch it.

Not that this really has anything to do with Amy Sedaris and her funny ladybrain, but she agreed to be a part of this gut-wrenching ad campaign for Downy:

I have the same washer/dryer set that my parents gave us as a wedding gift way back in 1998, so needless to say, I need those wash boosters, and I’ve used these Downy Unstopables. However much this isn’t an ad or endorsement of the product, it does what it should and keeps out the old washing machine smell from my freshly laundered clothes.

But how could I have not noticed that the name of the damn product is spelled incorrectly? I have brought shame on my family.

And seriously, how can Downy, the big bad soap company that they are, have allowed for a product to have been named with a word that is spelled incorrectly?

Right at this very second, I have those tell-tell red-dashed lines under that word up there: unstopable. Even my lappytop realizes it’s not a word.

Ironically, “lappytop” is not a word and has the same red-dashed lines, but I’m not a multi-national company with investors and customers to attract.

I don’t know how these things happen or why they happen or what to do about them.

All I can do is rant on my piddly blog about the injustices done to the English language on the behalf of all grammarphiles (again, not a real word) out in the world.

And as always, feel free to point out the mistakes I have surely made in this post and all others as I am neither perfect, nor am I a multi-national soap company who feels I am above the laws of grammar.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 10 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: grammar, spelling, unstopables, unstoppable

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In my new position as Your Favorite Online Librarian of Smut, I’m reading the suggestions you gave me in the last two posts: Sexy Books To Read To Be Smart. Or Not. & More Romance Smut Book Recommendations.

The overwhelming response to my call out for what I should read was to start the Black Dagger Brotherhood. I’ve actually had the first book, Dark Lover, in paperback since right after I read the Twilight Saga. But since my children are brats of reading age and inconsiderately notice things I do, I decided against reading it in front of them. Now that I’m addicted to my Kindle, I ordered the first book from the library, and waited patiently for it to be available.

And Pee Ess, if your library doesn’t have digital book loans, move. It’s basically free books on your e-reader. For free. I’ve had my Kindle for about 6 months, and so far, I’ve saved what it cost to buy it in borrowing digital books, all in the name of government-funded literacy campaigns. Though I’m not sure having access to free smut books on e-readers is what Mr. Melvil Dewey had in mind when they set up the library system, but I call that a WIN for us!

I’m 1/2-way through the first Black Dagger Brotherhood book, Dark Lover, that I started last night, and holy hell, it’s delicious. Thank Baby Jeebus and Oprah it’s pretty much an R-rated book and not XXX-rated like the last series I read. The Comfort Series was just…heavy to get through.

I haven’t yet read anything about sparkling in sunlight or anyone named Sookie, and since those are the only two kinds of vampires I know anything about, the vampires in BDB seem pretty legit. You know, as far as mythical creatures in a secret society who go unnoticed for hundreds of generations go.

I’m going on a cruise next week, and I’ll need to be stocked up for proper reading on the pool deck with a tropical drink. I need to hear from those of you who’ve read the Black Dagger Brotherhood series.

Is it worth me buying more in the BDB series (at a whole $7.99 a pop!) or should I wait for their availability from the library (I’m no good at patience!)?

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 11 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: black dagger brotherhood, romance novels, smut books, vampire books

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I grew up in a little town in the Florida panhandle, just across the bay from Destin.

Niceville is a real place with real people and a real Mullet Festival. But it seems that since I left my parents’ home behind and spread my flabby batwings in 1996, things have fallen to shit.

I blame it on The Walmart that opened last year.

When The Walmart comes to town, the collective IQ of the townspeople plummets.

I’m sorry, current Nicevillians, but something this dire needs to be shocked into your brains.

The amount of grammatical errors displayed in our town has reached a critical mass.

I have eyes and ears living around town, and they all know my heart beats for proper grammar usage. My current favorite Niceville-area resident, Lori, granted me use of her images to make a point.

Townspeople of Niceville, you’re officially on notice for allowing these signs to happen, much less all exist in the span of a 10-minute drive from Destin to Niceville.

Two Mistakes, One Billboard

At Least Spell Your Company’s Tagline Correctly

Billboard Grammar Error, Number Fifty-Eleven

What are these tomatos, crowns, and onions possessing? You know, besides atrocious grammar.

Niceville, let’s get on the ball, and fix these egregious errors.

The rest of the world is watching and judging.

images used on We Know Awesome via Lori

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 16 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: billboard, florida, grammar errors, mistakes, niceville, photos, signs

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I’ve been outed as a smut book slut, and you guys are actually taking my advice on the books I suggest.

I’m basically your favorite online librarian for smut. I accept this as my calling.

Since I published my list of Sexy Books To Read a whole 6 days ago, I’ve read 5 more smutty books.

I know. I do obsession well.

Here’s a reminder of my very unscientific way to rate books (0 = none/I didn’t like; 5 = a lot/I like):

Sex Language: How much into detail do the descriptions of The Sex go?
Page Turn-ability: Can you put this down or do you need to stay up until 3am reading?
Asshole Factor: They all turn around at some point, but how much of an asshole is the dude before he turns? (The lower the score, the more likable he is.)
Lip-Biting: Overall, how much do I like the girl and want her happy? (The lower the score, the more of a whiney bitch I think she is.)
Series Hopeful: If this is the first book in a series, how badly do I want to read the follow-up books? If it’s a singular book with no promise of a series, it gets an automatic 0 because I love a series.

Slammed (Slammed Series #1) Overall: 4/5
Sex Language: 2/5 | Page Turn-ability: 5/5 | Asshole Factor: 2/5 | Lip-Biting: 2/5 | Series Hopeful: 5/5

I really liked this book as a romance story because of its uniqueness. The story itself is interesting and slightly unpredictable. Though this really doesn’t qualify as “smut” because it’s more “romance,” there are some scenes that throb with sexual tension.

Point of Retreat (Slammed Series #2) Overall: 4.5/5
Sex Language: 2/5 | Page Turn-ability: 5/5 | Asshole Factor: 2/5 | Lip-Biting: 2/5 | Series Hopeful: 0/5

This is the follow-up to Slammed, so if you buy one, you have to buy the other. And if you don’t like crying while you read, don’t read these books because I totally cried my eyes out for 1/3 of this one.

Initially, I wasn’t going to read these books because all of the descriptions talk of poetry and going to slam sessions, and me being the un-poetry girl I am, I didn’t want to read through lovey dovey crap. But there wasn’t a huge amount of poetry weaved through the books. The poetry was really just used as a way to make a point and enhance the story.

Rock Me Overall: 4.5/5
Sex Language: 5/5 | Page Turn-ability: 4/5 | Asshole Factor: 1/5 | Lip-Biting: 4/5 | Series Hopeful: 5/5

I read this book before I found out it was the 2nd in a series (the first is Unleashed, which I’ll be reading soon), but it’s not really that necessary to read them in order. The only thing I would have changed about this book is that the dude has a goatee, and I’m not a fan of facial hair I can’t see. I’d like to see the goatee before I put it on the character because how am I to know if it’s a 1/2-grown Ethan Hawke-type of beard or is it a hot n’sexy Colin Farrell-type of face stubble? If it’s not clear to me, I want it gone.

Caressa’s Knees (Comfort Series #2) Overall: 4/5
Sex Language: 5/5 | Page Turn-ability: 4/5 | Asshole Factor: 2/5 | Lip-Biting: 3/5 | Series Hopeful: 5/5

Though this is the 2nd in a trilogy, it’s not really necessary to read them in order. Granted, I just started the third book, but unless you care about keeping the inevitable ending a mystery, the first and second don’t need to be read in order. There is a LOT of sex talk. A LOT. This series is not for the faint of heart.

And thanks to Maria (Bored Mommy) for suggesting this series. She’s basically been my enabler for the last week.

Comfort Object (Comfort Series #1) Overall: 3/5
Sex Language: 8/5 | Page Turn-ability: 3/5 | Asshole Factor: 1/5 | Lip-Biting: 4/5 | Series Hopeful: 5/5

Holy. Crap. I seriously had a hard time getting through this book because of all the depravity. It was just… a lot.

But because I’m a glutton for punishment, I started reading the 3rd in the series, Odalisque, which doesn’t seem to be as much as the first book.

In the last post, I took your recommendations and picked out a few to read. Now I need more of your suggestions for must-read books to add to my Kindle. They don’t necessarily need to be of the romance genre or porny; I’m kind of getting tired of the virgin-taken-by-the-virile-sex-god thing (see: Fifty Shades of Grey).

I need you to give me genuine must-read book recommendations, pretty please with sugar on top.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 15 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: books to read, caressa's knees, comfort object, point of retreat, rock me, romance books, slammed, smut books

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A letter to her 17-year-old son from pretty much the coolest, most responsible mom ever.

Hey,
It’s your mom. I don’t like this anymore than you do. TRUST ME! but I am way too young, impatient, & poor to have a grandkid at this time.
I don’t want to know if you’re having sex. I just need to know that if you are or plan to anytime soon, that you consider all of the consequences (and there are many!) and use these – NO MATTER WHAT!
Also, bad things can happen to your junk and that shit never goes away. Just saying.
LOVE,
ME

courtesy of Awesome friend, Tena

Can bacon really go too far? Like a bacon tie? Or a bacon koozie? Or bacon wrapping paper?

Hell-to-the-NO, bacon cannot go too far.

Happy Father’s Day, bacon lovers. This is your Christmas.

Perpetual Kid

from the video poster:

How to wake up a sleeping kid.
Only 3 years old!
For all you commentators and viewers, just to clarify a few things about this video.
This is my half little brother and she is my sister. My mother married a BIG Viking :) So brother looks a little more than 3 years.
The last time we woke him up in the car, he got so grumpy and cranky. And since he loves this kind of music we just had to try a new method. I think there are parents that can recognize this scene.
He is half Norwegian and half Chilean.

When you have the time to watch and feel, please watch and share.

I credit who I am today to you filling me with self-esteem and prescription stimulants.

via someecards

For when your sweatpants don’t have pockets, use what Baby Jeesus gave you.

see more Poorly Dressed

credit The Guardian (UK) via BoingBoing

How to take a bathroom self-portrait:

1. Stand in front of your mirror.
2. Take a few test shots.
3. Review test shots for personal appliances.

This girl failed.

via imgur

Related Articles:

My original intention was to write an informative piece, explaining things women do that drive men crazy, outside of the bedroom, and why they do them, so I sounded an alarm and asked my male peers to give me the inside scoop.

And as the rants came pouring in, I became defensive, something that drives my own husband crazy. Inevitably, things took a turn in a new direction.

Man Rant #1: “Why do you leave hair everywhere, the floor, the bathtub, the sink?”

Pot meet kettle. Or, rather, gross male pubic hair meet lustrous female head hair. Men shed just as much as women do, we just happen to have a lot more hair. And male shedding is way worse, because, for some reason, an absurd amount comes from their nether regions. Pubes on the bathmat, pubes in the shower, pubes on the floor…what are you guys doing in there? Wait, don’t answer that. Besides, we usually end up cleaning the bathroom, anyway. So, until men are the ones with the rubber gloves and sponge in hand, they should just keep telling us how pretty our hair is, be it on our heads, or in the drain.

Man Rant #2: “Why is her car so disorganized and dirty?”

I get this from my husband all the time, and here’s the thing. In my house, I’m the one chauffeuring around sticky, little, Cheerio-addicted humans, who have bodily explosions in their car seats. So, until his briefcase starts asking him “why” 400 times a day, while picking its nose and wiping the winner on his seat, a simple thank you will do. Or better yet, wash my car for me.

Man Rant #3: “Why can’t she pass by a pharmacy without wanting to go in?”

Good question, and one that hits home for me. If I were to tally up all I’ve spent at Walgreen’s, you’d likely find me curled up in a tight ball on my shower floor, shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. So, why do I do it? Because it’s convenient. With two kids in tow, it’s a lot easier to lug them into Walgreen’s or CVS, than it is a grocery store. At the end of the day, it’s usually all I can manage. Plus, it’s like a wonderland of mascara, gloss, tampons, diapers, trashy magazines, and assorted yeast infection treatments. Sure it’s a ripoff, but the ease factor is sometimes worth the 100% markup on hotdog wiener emergencies. So, either start doing all the shopping, and buying us the right brand and absorbancy of tampons, or politely nod and pull over when we pass a pharmacy.

Man Rant #4: “Stop looking on my face for a blackhead to squeeze.”

Stop grabbing our boobs when we change in front of you.

Also, my husband has this strange mutant hair on his right eyebrow. Every few weeks, when it grows out, it’s like a third party’s in the room with us. It’s so distracting, and honestly, I just don’t trust it. When he’s in mid-sentence, I’ll quickly grab hold, and violently pluck it from his tender brow. After shrieking like a little girl, he typically yells at me. And, if I fail to remove it on the first try, he’ll usually refuse to let me have a do over. “Fine,” I’ll say, “Go to the meeting with your 12-inch eyebrow hair. I’m sure no one will focus on it, or try to braid it. Freak.”

This tactic earns me a minimum of three more attempts, to painfully rip the rebel hair from its brow.

My point is, that men are great at a lot of things, maybe even better than us in certain areas. But, hygiene, pimple maintenance, and hair removal aren’t of one of them. So, either confidently walk into that meeting, and introduce the dread lock protruding from your left nostril, or suck it up and relent to our obsessive skin-picking ways.

Man Rant #5: “Why do I have to say “I’m sorry” over and over again when I do something wrong. Isn’t once enough?”

That’s fair. Women can sometimes hold onto things for too long, and I’ve been known to hang on to grudges with a death-grip. It’s not that we don’t forgive you when you mess up, it just may take some time for our minds to tell our hearts that we’re done with it. And, even after we forgive you, maybe we’re still baffled, wondering how the hell you could have done whatever it is you did. We love hard, fight hard, and feel hard. But, at the end of the day, isn’t that one of the things you love about us? Especially when we’re in your corner.

Man Rant #6: “Women need to learn how to share the road.”

Yawn. Next question, please.

Man Rant #7: “Why do women never give a straight answer, always making us guess what’s on your mind?”

Speaking only for myself, there are a couple of reasons I’ll not so gracefully dance around an issue. Maybe I’m pissed off that he’s even had to ask something…He should know me better after all these years! And, I’ll somewhat shamefully confess, that in the beginning of our relationship I just wanted him to like me. I mean, did he really believe I was that into a football? Other times, it’s that trusty defense mechanism I tend to fall back on, that causes me to wonder if I’m overreacting, or being too sensitive.

And, sometimes, I just like to see him squirm.

Man Rant #8: “When women don’t want to have sex because they’re not comfortable with their body. Trust me, we don’t care.”

You say you don’t care, and that’s sweet. But, when you tell us the most perfect girl on the planet is Alessandra Ambrosio, while we’re leaking breast-milk and greasing up our stretch marks, it plants tiny seeds of doubt. For so many of us, our bodies have changed. They’ve carried and nursed babies, fluctuated, or experienced gravity in all the wrong places. Things that were once tight, now jiggle. And we pee when we sneeze. Honestly, I feel vulnerable enough when I’m by myself, standing naked in front of my bathroom mirror. Throw in a naked man, awkward positions, and really odd noises, and the self-doubt can rear it’s ugly head…making me feel ugly. So, just keep on telling us that we’re beautiful. One day we’ll see what you do.

Also, see here.

Man Rant #9: “Why are they always on their cell phones?”

Why are you always looking over our heads to check the score?

Finally, the one question that blew up my inbox.

Man Rant #10: “Why are women so passive aggressive?”

I’ll answer this with the words of a separate man-rant I received, wondering why women always asked rhetorical questions…

“Question from my wife:  Have you taken the trash out?

How I want to answer: You know goddamn well I haven’t taken the trash out. And no, I don’t feel like doing it now, I’ll take care of it later.

How I answer:  No, sorry…  I’m on it.”

You mean passive aggressive like that?

Passive-aggressiveness is, no doubt, a toxic way of communicating with your partner. But, come on, it’s far from being exclusive to the female population. Both sexes are mighty skillful at playing that game.

Anything I’m missing, ladies?

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(Just not with the kids or people whose opinions matters to you!)

I’d like to pretend I’m one of those high-minded movie buffs.  You know, the kind that is always asking if you’ve seen the new short from Israel? Yeah, I hate that guy.  My tastes, however, run close to those of a 20-year-old frat boy. I giggle at fart jokes and would rather watch The Goonies for the 112^th time than, say, Kramer vs. Kramer.  So when Will Ferrell recently announced that he has signed on for Anchorman 2, I nearly wet myself with anticipation.  In order to be fully prepped for the Anchorman 2 arrival here are the top five frat boy movies that are a must see:

Anchorman

Will Ferrell’s Ron Burgundy is a suave 70’s version of Walter Cronkite but way less…hmmm…smart.  The Channel 4 News Room is upended by the arrival of ambitious Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate).   When Veronica won’t settle for reporting on the soft news (i.e. cat fashion shows), Ron and his Channel 4 cohorts wage war.  You will refuse to pronounce San Diego correctly after watching this.

Pineapple Express

While I have zero experience in the pot/drug dealing world (I’m a lifetime D.A.R.E. member, thankyouverymuch) this movie almost makes me want to smoke a doubie. Take two potheads (Seth Rogan and James Franco) trying to escape a murderous drug kingpin and add in a whole lot of pot and you have Pineapple Express.  Danny McBride’s Red, a drug dealing middle man (is that really a thing?), steals every scene he’s in and manages to be the ultimate pet owner when he bakes his dead cat a birthday cake.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

This movie makes me want to take a shower and never, ever set foot in a used car dealership but nevertheless it’s hysterical.  Don Ready (Jeremy Piven) and his gang of maverick car liquidators swoop in to save a down and out car dealership just in time for July 4.   Who knew you could eat lunch at a strip club or would want to?  Like I said, you kind of need a shower after this one but it’s so worth it.

Your Highness

Lazy slacker Thadeous (Danny McBride) is forced to go “questing” with his high achieving brother Fabious (James Franco) when Fabious’ bride (Zooey Deschanel) is captured by an evil sorcerer (Justin Theroux).   I need to warn you, however, if you watch this movie with your man the inevitable question of “Can we eat dinner at Medieval Times tonight?” will definitely come up.   Use your D.A.R.E. education and JUST SAY NO.

Old School

The ultimate frat boy movie.  Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn and Luke Wilson (the one with the good nose) decide to go back to college and start their own fraternity.  And it’s not exactly civic-minded.  Seeing Will Ferrell’s naked butt cheeks may be a negative but you will be quoting this one long after that image has been expunged from your brain.

I can’t be the only one who prefers slacker comedies over high-brow entertainment. There is no judgment here, so spill it! What’s your favorite frat boy movie?

Photo © DreamWorks Pictures

Kristen is a do-it-all executive assistant from 9 to 5 but in a way less hysterical version than Dolly Parton’s.  She’s an above average wife to a ridiculously charming man and mom to one ridiculously adorable human baby and two plaster eating furry babies.   A transplant from the East Coast to Texas, she refuses to wear flip-flops and shorts and hates sweating profusely but has fallen in love with the South. Both her cupcakes and her thighs are full fat and she makes no apologies for either.  She can be found writing about hair experiments and parenting gone awry at The Chronicles of Dutch.

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A recent article (and following media onslaught) indicates Skechers is being sued because “it turns out that slipping on Skechers $100 Shape-ups shoes will not give you a Kim Kardashian-like body.”

Well, duh. At what point has any fitness expert ever said, “Yep! Go ahead and forego diet and exercise, all you need are some magical shoes (or pills or shakes, for that matter) and that’s all you need to look amazing!”?

Really?  We need a lawsuit for Skechers to have to admit that their advertising may be embellished? It appears so because a court ordered a Skechers refund to those who purchased the Skechers Shape-up shoes. We needed a mom to start a lawsuit to tell us that Nutella is not nutritious–because we all don’t know that things that are delicious probably aren’t healthy? Apparently yes.

Sigh.

At what point do we take responsibility and start thinking for ourselves? At what point do we stop blaming others for what doesn’t work out for us? Isn’t it common knowledge that advertisers use methods to sway consumers to buy their products? It’s called persuasion, and it is a skill that is taught in eigth grade writing classes. That is what it’s all about! Appeal. Persuasion. Convincing consumers that they need something right now!

Should companies be blamed because people can’t distinguish between fact and really good advertising (and of course, this excludes false and erroneous claims)? Should companies have to pay because people aren’t aware of marketing techniques and strategies?

I say enough is enough. Know what you’re buying and getting into before you make a purchase. Be an educated consumer and be responsible for your own actions.

image AP Photo/FTC

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Pretty much anywhere in the Disney World parks is fun to visit without kids. You may not need to ride through it’s a small world at Magic Kingdom or see all of the Kidcot stops at Epcot, but there are lots of attractions, things to do, and most importantly, good places to eat without kids.

Most trips we take to the Disney World theme parks is with our kids. The past few years of going to the Epcot International Food and Wine Festival with the kids in tow, however, has drawn out “WE DON’T WANT TO GO” protests from the girls. One of the only times they don’t want to go to Disney World is when we spend the majority of the day in line waiting to try different food and drinks.

It seems little kids don’t have the foodie palates we have as adults and don’t want to try new foods. Silly kids.

We adults love trying new foods, new drinks, and eating our way around the world at Epcot’s International Food and Wine Festival.

The kids? Not so much.

My suggestion is to leave the kids with grandma, and take the day (and night) to spend with adults at Epcot during the International Food and Wine Festival. You’ll appreciate the quiet time waiting in line (and yes, you will wait, but it’s worth it) and not having to carry 3 plates of food, a sippy cup, and someone else’s napkins.

Epcot International Food and Wine Festival takes place daily from September 30 – November 13, 2011. Dates change every year, so check the Disney website for future dates.

image credit: Angie Lynch

Thanks to Mouse Genius reader, Anna, for this submitted question!

Every year, the Magic Kingdom at Disney World host special after-hours parties for Halloween and Christmas. These parties are for party ticket holders only and the ticket prices can be high compared to other special events at Disney World. Even if you have a park ticket or pass, you may not enter the park for the party without a special party-only ticket.

Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party and Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party at Magic Kingdom are special events to which you can take your kids for special attention.

The “worth it” aspect of these parties is really subjective. If you have the money to spend on the extra special parties, I say go for it. If the cost is prohibitive and it will prevent you from doing other things, I’d say skip the parties and do something else. Past guests to the parties have differing opinions on the “worth” of the parties, but they cite “shorter lines” and “special attention” as reasons to visit.

September through November, the Magic Kingdom hosts Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party from 7pm-12am. Dates for 2011 are listed on the Disney World website, along with ticket prices that range from $47.95 + tax to $67.95 + tax each.

In addition to many favorite Disney attractions, Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party is filled with special entertainment, including:
Mickey’s “Boo-to-You” Halloween Parade—including Disney Characters and the stars of the Haunted Mansion attraction. The parade begins with a spook-tacular ride by the Headless Horseman.
Happy HalloWishes—a spectacular fireworks show where the Disney Villains go trick-or-treating in the sky.
Many favorite Disney Characters and Disney Villains in special Halloween costumes.
Special lighting, music and theming effects transforms special areas of Magic Kingdom theme park into happy haunted hollows.
The tone of the event is, well, “Not-So-Scary”, and is appropriate for children of all ages.

Select nights for Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party are listed on Disney’s website and are subject to change. Tickets vary in price depending on the date you’re attending and range from $51.95 + tax to $62.95 + tax each.

Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party features:
The enchanted Castle Dream Lights on Cinderella Castle
Mickey’s Once Upon A Christmastime Parade, complete with a special appearance by Santa Claus himself
An exclusive holiday fireworks extravaganza — Holiday Wishes: Celebrate the Spirit of the Season
Live entertainment featuring Disney Characters
Meet and greet opportunities throughout Magic Kingdom theme park with some of your favorite Disney Characters
Complimentary cookies and hot cocoa
A magical snow fall on Main Street, U.S.A.
Many of the most popular Magic Kingdom attractions

photo credit: angie lynch

The AMC Downtown Disney 24 movie theater at Disney’s Westside is a great place to get away from the constant on-the-go traveling you tend to do on a vacation to Disney World.

Take the time to relax and enjoy a first-run movie at one of the well-appointed theaters at Downtown Disney before a dinner date. Tickets run about the same price as any other typical first-run movie theater, but as Disney is known, the theater is clean, well-lit where it needs to be, and updated.

Starting May 16th, enjoy table service dining at one of several Dine-In Theatres® where larger, comfortable seats equipped with tables for food. Six of the 24 auditoriums are outfitted for table-service with a discreet personal call button for food service. Guests have a menu from which to choose that includes appetizers, entrees, and a wide selection of alcoholic beverages. Adults and children accompanied by adults are welcomed to enjoy first- and second-run movies with the luxury of seat-side service.

Along with the Dine-In Theatre auditoriums, MacGuffins, a full-service bar is opening inside the AMC Downtown Disney 24 to service all 21+ theater guests.

LIMITED TIME: Catch a preview of the Dine-In Theatres this Friday, May 13th. For more information on how to reserve tickets, click over to Allied Media.

image credit: Disney

In the outskirts of Kissimmee (the town next door to Disney World) Green Meadows Farm is a petting zoo that’s been in the Orlando area for generations. The nature-friendly petting zoo is a great way to get away from the non-stop business of being a tourist. Young children love interacting with the zoo animals and learning about their environment, and Green Meadows Farm is one of the best places in Florida to experience that.

If you’re planning to visit the Orlando, Kissimmee, or Disney World area any time before September 28, 2011, you can purchase 50% off passes to Green Meadows Farm now through May 8th.

photo credit: angie lynch

Disney’s Caribbean Beach Resort is known for high quality rooms and easy access to all of the theme parks at Disney World. Boys and girls who are in love with everything pirate dream of spending the night in a room meant for them and their pirate ways.

Naturally, the Caribbean Beach Resort is a perfect location for a pirate-themed guest room.

The decor in the room is all pirate, including the bathroom shower, bed headboards, and clothes dressers. Room rates are only a few dollars higher for a night in the pirate-themed hotel rooms, and if you have a pirate kid, it’s worth the upgrade.

Make sure you plan some time to spend at the enormous pirate ship pool on the resort property. While you’re there, slide down the many slides and order up a very adult drink by the pool.

photo credit: angie lynch

If you’re staying at a Disney Resort, you can park your car and leave it for the duration of your stay if you so desire. Disney Transportation offers complimentary transportation to its resort guests.  You have three different options of transportation:  buses, the monorail and boats.

Most areas throughout Walt Disney World Resort, including Disney Theme Parks, Disney Water Parks, Resort hotels and the Downtown Disney Area, are accessible by bus. Some bus routes may require transfer from one bus to another.

If you prefer to travel by boat, the Magic Kingdomis accessible by boat from:

• The Grand Floridian
• The Polynesian
• Fort Wilderness Resort and Campground
• Wilderness Lodge

Ferryboats connect Magic Kingdom to the Transportation and Ticket Center

Epcot and Hollywood studios are accessible by boat from:

• Boardwalk Inn and Villas Resort
• Beach Club Resort
• Yacht Club Resort
• Swan Hotel
• Dolphin Hotel

Downtown Disney area is accessible by ferryboat from:

• Port Orleans – French Quarter
• Port Orleans – Riverside
• Old Key West Resort
• Saratoga Springs Resort

If the monorail is more your style then you can get to the following:

• Magic Kingdom
• Contemporary Resort
• Grand Floridian Resort
• Polynesian Resort
• Transportation and Ticket Center

Additionally, there are express round-trip services to Epcot and Magic Kingdom that originate from the Transportation and Ticket Center.

Walt Disney World is working directly with Gowalla to encourage guests to check in around the parks to earn stamps for virtual passports. Share your check-ins with friends on Twitter and Facebook as well as friends using Gowalla.

Guests can check in using Gowalla on your smart phone at each one of the attractions, eateries, and shows in order to earn your own virtual stamps.

Disney Parks has even developed “Trips” within Gowalla to enhance your experience and earn extra virtual pins and stickers for your passport. You can use the Trips as a mini guide around the parks to get the most of your actual trip.

image credit gowalla, wdw

Every year during a select weekends in May and June, Hollywood Studios hosts Star Wars Weekend. Basically, Star Wars characters take over most of the park with meet and greets, parades, and special Star Wars shows. Check the WDW website for actual dates for the year you’re interested in visting and for specific event dates and times.

If you or anyone you know loves anything to do with Star Wars, this is the perfect opportunity to have fun and see a lot of your favorite characters. Wear your favorite Star Wars clothes and you won’t be left out or stand out in the crowd. MANY guests come dressed up as characters. Just be careful with whom you’re taking your picture – it may not be an official character!

This year, Star Tours reopens with a brand new ride experience just in time for Star Wars Weekends. The ride has been out of commission for several months, and the reopening will be a huge draw for anyone who loved the old ride.

image credit: angie lynch

One of the most technologically-advanced and just-plain-cool attractions at all of Disney World is Turtle Talk With Crush at Epcot.

Located next to The Land is The Seas with Nemo & Friends where you can ride through Nemo’s underwater world and by Disney’s aquarium. Inside the attraction is Turtle Talk With Crush where guests sit in a room with Crush and have true, interactive conversations with the most famous turtle in the sea.

Kids are asked to sit up front to get the best views of Crush and are welcomed to ask questions of the old guy. Crush comes out to the Peoplequarium to chat with guests and answer off-the-cuff questions as only kids can ask.

The technology used in this attraction is mind-boggling, even to this seasoned Disney veteran. There’s never a long wait for the attraction, and it’s a great place to escape from the heat, cold, or rain. Prepare your kids with questions for Crush in hopes that they are picked to interview him inside. Though, you never know what’s going to come out of either the kids’ mouth or Crush’s.

photo credit: angie lynch

Boutique hotels are not usually what I look for when searching for a place to stay in Las Vegas. I had the opportunity to change my opinion of staying off the strip and in a small, boutique hotel when I was there for a friend’s wedding. The wedding took place at Rumor Vegas, an off-the-strip, all-suite hotel with 150 newly-renovated rooms. Rumor Hotel opened in mid-2010 after completely renovating from the old St. Tropez Hotel directly across the street from the main casino entrance of the Hard Rock Hotel.

Staying at this boutique hotel in Las Vegas means no casino, no selection of restaurants, and no mega-spa attached. But trust me when I say you won’t miss it those amenities. Truly. What the hotel lacks in mega-hotel features, it makes up for in the size of the suites, the low room rates, and the personalized service by the staff. The pool is lined with outdoor couches and cabanas as well as ample outside seating for the onsite boutique restaurant.

Each room is sleek, minimalistic, and made to make you feel sexy when you’re inside. The dark floors and dark walls with white trim and decorations are designed to make guests feel like they’ve entered a romantic hideaway. The indoor lighting design is meant for limited sensuous lighting, but it makes for a guessing game challenge when looking through my suitcase at night. The suite housed a comfortable modern white sofa and additional seating for guests as well as two televisions. (Channel 69 shows free 24/7 adult films if you’re into that kind of thing.) The bed was beyond comfortable, and coupled with the quietness of being at a boutique hotel, I could have stayed in bed all day.

Select rooms have in-room spa tubs in which to relax and all of the bathrooms feature modern decor and large showers. Oddly, the bathrooms did not have a place to place the bar of soap provided, which is a strange feature to over-look. Thought it seems like a small detail when designing a bathroom, it’s one of those things that you notice is weird when you can’t find a place to put the soap. I would have also liked a convenient place from which to hang my toiletry bag, but with the minimalistic decor, the walls were bare of any hooks.

Addictions, the onsite restaurant, lacks nothing when it comes to food. Celebrity chef, Vic Vegas, is in the kitchen preparing some of the best food I’ve ever eaten at a wedding. I imagine siting down to a meal at Addictions would be even more delectable. I still dream about the sirloin sliders Vic Vegas made for the wedding reception; they were THAT good.

The center courtyard is dotted with mature palm trees, manicured lawn, rock garden, relaxing seating with tables, and several hammocks for guests to relax. The hammocks called my name for two days until I finally succumbed to the pressure of the calling and climbed in. I have to say, it’s not a bad place to be, being suspended between two palm trees being rocked by a purple hammock in the middle of Las Vegas.

From my perspective, I’d be more than happy to stay at Rumor again and suggest it as a place to check out while in Las Vegas. If you’ve had your fill of the mega-resorts and constant noise from the casinos, Rumor Vegas is a must-visit.

Visit Rumor Vegas’ Facebook page for up-to-date specials and discounts.

RUMOR Las Vegas
455 East Harmon Avenue
Las Vegas, NV 89169
1-877-99-RUMOR

Photo credit: Angie Lynch

Visiting Orlando during the Christmas-to-New Year’s holiday week can be extremely rewarding if you plan ahead. Part of planning your vacation ahead of your trip is deciding where to have your special Christmas Day 2010 dinner where you can be comfortable while eating  your way through the day. Many of Orlando-area hotels are hosting amazing special buffets and dinners for Christmas. Locals can also get in on the themed dinners and lunch-time meals by calling ahead to reserve your Christmas dinner.

Orlando isn’t just Disney World and theme parks. Downtown Orlando hosts the Grand Bohemian where dining at The Boheme. The four-diamond hotel is offering both a special Christmas Eve dinner and a Christmas Day celebration.
The special Christmas Eve dinner highlights the chef’s special multi-course meal with appetizer choices, Intermezzo, 2nd course options, completing the meal with delicious desserts.
$59.95 per person
Seating Times: 5:30 pm – 10:00 pm
Seating times subject to availability Tax and service charges are not included.
Christmas Day, The Boheme offers an unlimited Champagne Brunch complete with oysters, poached eggs benedict, maple whipped yams, and clove-studded Virginia ham at the carving station.
$59.95 per person
(Children 4 to 12 – $29.95)
Children under the age of 4 are complimentary
Seating Times: Parties 5 or less: 10:30 am – 8:00 pm
Parties 6 or more: 10:30 am, 12:30 pm, 2:30 pm, 4:30 pm
For reservations and more information: (407) 313-9000

A short, scenic drive from the Orlando attractions is a step back into history Florida in Mount Dora. Lakeside Inn welcomes guests to their special Christmas Day champagne brunch on the lake. Christmas Eve dining will be a la carte served from 5-7:30 p.m. $34.95 Adults, $9.50 (2-12 years).
$34.95 Adults, $18.95 (6-12 years) & complimentary (0-5 years), prices are plus tax and gratuity.

Loews Hotels and Universal Orlando offers an amazing array of Christmas dinner and holiday celebrations. Holiday dinners aren’t limited to the hotels at the resort as restaurants inside the Universal theme parks are hosting special dinners for the holiday. Contact Universal Orlando at (407) 224-4012 for more information on all dining options and availability.

Loews Portofino Hotel, one of Orlando’s best-rated hotels, hosts a Christmas Day Champagne Buffet with rotating meal options from risotto to pasta to fresh fish.
Christmas Day Champagne Buffet: 11:00am – 7:00pm
Children’s Holiday Craft Table: 11:00am – 7:00pm
Universal Orlando character dining: 12:00pm – 7:00pm
Strolling Musicians: 12:00pm – 7:00pm
Face-painter & Balloonist: 12:00pm to 7:00pm
Adults: $46.00 – Children: $23.00 (12 & under) Children under 3 complimentary.

Kids are welcomed to see Dr. Seuss comes to life with the Grinch and “friends” for a family Christmas dinner at Confisco Grille in Islands of Adventure.
Select dates (reservations recommended): Dec. 3-5, 9-12, 16-21, 23-30 and Jan. 1-2
Children (ages 3-9): $13.95 plus tax & gratuity, per person
Adults: $19.95 plus tax & gratuity, per person

Photo courtesy The Standard Newspaper, Hong Kong

Watching the Waterford Crystal Ball drop in Times Square on New Year’s Eve is a drop in the bucket list for people from all over the world. The dream-come-true event should be celebrated in luxury as only The Plaza hotel can provide. Ring in the New Year staying at one of New York’s best 5-star hotels.

Situated in the heart of Manhattan on the southern end of Central park and just blocks from Times Square, The Plaza and its timeless elegance welcomes guests into opulence at the entrance.

A New Year’s weekend set in luxury is available at one of a select room types from the Plaza King with a street view or inside courtyard view, but even with this quaint room, none of the splendor is spared. As with all of the guest rooms a The Plaza, even the Sherle Wagner faucets are plated in 24-carat gold. It is extravagance at its finest in New York City near Times Square.

If you’re seeking the epitome of leisure and extravagance for your Times Square New Year’s Eve vacation, staying in the Edwardian Suite exceeds your expectations. Opulently decorated in the Louis XV style, the suite includes a powder room, a kitchenette, and separate sitting room for entertaining guests.  As a guest in the Edwardian Suite, you are treated to the full Butler’s service for which The Plaza hotel is known.

Together with The Plaza’s impeccable concierge services, a romantic night in Times Square for New Year’s Eve is in your future.

Room nights vary from $1100/night up to $1750/night for the New Year’s Eve weekend.

Fifth Avenue at Central Park South
New York, New York 10019

Author’s note: Special thanks to Molly for the suggestion of The Plaza as the subject of this article.

Photos courtesy: The Plaza, A Fairmont Managed Hotel

I recently had the opportunity to attend the Build a Better Lunchbox event at the Loews Portofino Bay Hotel at Universal Orlando. Luckily for us, the weather was perfect for an outdoor brunch on the patio of Portofino’s Trattoria del Porto.

As the parents, we were allowed to eat from the brunch buffet inside the restaurant for the purchase price of the Lunchbox event. While my personal opinion is that the price of the event was a bit high, my girls did receive a full buffet, and they learned some things about good foods. Universal characters where there as well, but at other Loews locations, I’m sure the characters would not be a part of the event. In addition to the characters, there was a clown painting faces for free and each kid left with a gift bag of some coupons and a few “healthy option” goodies.

The Build a Better Lunchbox event will be in the following cities in upcoming months:

Photos courtesy: Angie Lynch

Disclosure: Our event tickets were provided in exchange for my articles on the events. The opinions expressed are solely my own.

Teaching your kids to pack their own lunchbox? Awesome.

This Sunday, my family and I are going to Loews Portofino Bay Hotel at Universal Orlando to participate in the Build a Better Lunchbox event where my girls will participate in a hands-on experience with food. My girls are notorious for being “stuck in a rut” of what they like to eat for lunch, so I’m hoping these kind people will be able to coax them into trying some new lunch foods.

The Build a Better Lunchbox event is making its way around the US, so if you’re not lucky enough to be in Orlando this weekend (Hello, Fall weather!), check out the Loews website for more information.

“Loews Hotels is helping families “Build a Better Lunchbox” to promote healthy eating habits and raise funds to support projects in local schools. Starting in October, Loews Hotels across the U.S. will host fundraising events where children and parents will have the opportunity to learn how to build a healthier lunch together, and at the same time support community schools through DonorsChoose.org, Loews’ newest charity partner, a web-based not-for-profit that supports local school projects for individual sponsorship.”

The Build a Better Lunchbox Event will be at the following Loews Hotels in the upcoming weeks:

Loews New Orleans Hotel (New Orleans, LA) – November 12, 2010
Loews Atlanta (Atlanta, GA) – November 13, 2010
Loews Coronado Bay (Coronado, CA) – November 13, 2010
Loews Philadelphia Hotel (Philadelphia, PA) – November 13, 2010
Loews Miami Beach Hotel (Miami Beach, FL) – November 13, 2010
Loews Ventana Canyon (Tucson, Arizona) – November 13, 2010
The Don Cesar, a Loews Hotel (St. Pete Beach, FL) – November 14, 2010
Loews Santa Monica Beach Hotel (Santa Monica, CA) – November 21, 2010
Loews Vanderbilt Hotel (Nashville, TN) – November 28, 2010
Loews Annapolis Hotel (Annapolis, MD) – December 11, 2010

The Orlando event will take place at Portofino Bay Hotel on Sunday, November 7th, from 10am-1pm. Cost per person is $25 and includes gift bags for children.

Photo courtesy: Loews Hotels

Disclaimer: I was provided gratis entry to the event for myself and my family. The information provided in this post is a combination of my experiences, ideas, opinions, and information provided to me by the event.

Whether you’re in Orlando on vacation for the Thanksgiving holiday weekend or you’re a local wanting to enjoy the holiday without the hassle of cooking and cleaning, Orlando hotels are hosting amazing Thanksgiving dinners and buffets.

Some of last year’s list of the best Thanksgiving dinners at Orlando-area hotels make a return visit to 2010′s list:

Norman’s – Ritz Carlton Grande Lakes Orlando
Three-course served Thanksgiving dinner highlighting the best cuisine offered at one of the best restaurants in Orlando.
Reservations required.
5pm – 9pm
$85 Adults, $35 Children

Rosen Plaza – Grand Ballroom
Thanksgiving buffet dinner like your grandmother never made. Offerings include King Crab Bisque, Oysters-on-the-Half-Shell, Corish Game Hens, and Jack Daniel’s Chocolate Cake.
Thanksgiving Day Grand Buffet
11:00am – 5pm
$31.95 Adults, $15.95 Children 4-12, under 4 free

Garden Grove – Walt Disney World Swan & Dolphin
Florida-traditional Thanksgiving dinner buffet featuring Herb-Crusted Grouper, Glazed Ham Florida with Orange Chutney, and a variety of Homemade Cakes and Pastries. Disney World characters will be popping in to visit!
1pm – 9pm
$35.95 Adults,$15.95 Children 3-9, under 3 free

Champagne Brunch – Peabody Orlando
A high-class Champagne Brunch with traditional Thanksgiving fare paired with award-winning stations cooking some of the best food in Orlando.
10:30am – 4pm
$59.50 Adults, $25.00 Children 6-12, under 5 free

Café Gauguin – Rosen Centre
In addition to 39 different dining options and unlimited mimosas, the Thanksgiving Holiday Brunch at Rosen Centre on International Drive is serving up the best of traditional Thanksgiving dinner with a mix of southern holiday foods.
11am – 5pm
$34.95 Adults, $16.95 Children 4-12

Photo courtesy: Walt Disney Company

Boston, Massachusetts is a city every traveler will visit at one time during their lifetime. It’s full of American history landmarks, great food, and some of the best hotels in the world. The Boston Harbor Hotel at Rowes Wharf is arguably one of the best hotels in Boston. In a city known for its architecture, the Boston Harbor Hotel blends itself into the landscape of the skyline with grace and definable distinction.

Every guest room in this Forbes Five Star hotel boasts downtown Boston or harbor views out its picture windows. As a guest relishing in luxury would expect, every room is furnished with quality furniture, a full-size umbrella at your disposal, top-notch turn-down service, and high-tech audio/visual equipment. In-room babysitting and specialized children’s amenities are available upon request. Suites at the Boston Harbor Hotel are over-sized and include everything the polished traveler expects.

Being a Five Star hotel requires Five Star dining, and Meritage, The Restaurant does not disappoint as it is recognized as one of Zagat’s “Five Best Restaurants in Boston.” 24-hour in-room dining is available within the hotel with service from the notable Rowes Wharf restaurant.

Just because the Boston Harbor Hotel is Five Star in every detail doesn’t mean they aren’t offering specials and deals for their guests. Seasonal packages can be found on the Boston Harbor Hotel website.

Typical room rates begin around $300/night for a standard room and suites at $550/night.

Boston Harbor Hotel at Rowes Wharf
70 Rowes Wharf
Boston, MA 02110

As with several other posts I’ve written, the Boston Harbor Hotel was suggested to me by a friend on Twitter. Thanks to @hamletsmistress for this one!

Photos courtesy: Boston Harbor Hotel

Affordable hotels along Orlando’s International Drive are abundant and many have been on the tourist road for decades. The newly-renovated Rosen Inn at Pointe Orlando (formerly the Quality Inn Plaza) is open and ready for guests in its over 1,000 rooms. Rated a 3-Diamond hotel, the Rosen 9000 (as it’s affectionately called) got an all-over face-lift with new playgrounds, new furniture, a fresh coat of paint, and renovated heated pools.

The Plaza Garden Restaurant is on-site and with breakfast and dinner buffets as well as the Lite Bite Mini-Market & Deli for quick meals. Just for adults, Zebra’s Sports Bar welcomes sports fanatics and Karaoke singers for a night away from the kids. Just for kids, the Rosen Inn at Pointe Orlando has a brand new on-property playground and video arcade play room.

Complimentary wireless internet access is available in all guest rooms as well as a secure gated access into the hotel. As a Universal Partner Hotel, the Rosen Inn offers free shuttle service to Universal Orlando, Sea World, Aquatica, and Wet n’Wild. Shuttles to Walt Disney World and Orlando International Airport are available for a small fee.

Room rates start at $49/night and specials and promotions are available on the hotel website.

9000 International Dr.
Orlando, FL 32819

Photos courtesy: Rosen Inn

I’ve been asking around Twitter for my friends’ favorite hotels they’ve ever stayed in, and I have a nice variety of hotels from which to choose. I saw The Broadmoor in Colorado Springs, Colorado, come up as a suggestion, and just by the name, I knew it was going to be fancy.

I didn’t think it would be jaw-droppingly amazing. Breath-taking. Dream vacation-making. Five star everything.

WOW.

It’s not just the magnificence of the historic buildings that makes it amazing, it’s the location. The Broadmoor is plucked straight from a child’s fantasy storybook. So beautiful, you think it’s in your imagination.

But it’s real.

774 rooms and suites with six new cottage buildings all up to the highest standards of the best five star hotels in the world. Forbes Travel Guide Five-Star Awards recently named The Broadmoor for the 50th consecutive year as one of the best of the best in hotels and resorts worldwide.

Set in the foothills of Cheyenne Mountain, the backdrop invites guests to explore the 3000 acres of lush, manicured grounds including Championship quality golf courses. Guests can bike, mountain climb, swim, ski nearby, play golf, learn to fly fish, and nearly every other outdoor activity you can imagine doing outside in Colorado.

The Broadmoor is one of those places you imagine yourself visiting “one day” or “when I win the lottery” or “when my Sugar Daddy calls,” but I’d like to think of it as that place I’m putting on my “Must Visit List” because I WILL be there one day.

I can’t even imagine what a Christmas holiday vacation would be like at The Broadmoor: Winter Wonderland is coming to mind. Even though The Broadmoor is a Five Star Hotel, they don’t charge an arm, a leg, and a car payment to stay for a night. The upcoming Classic Broadmoor Christmas 2010 special includes the following details:

The BROADMOOR is proud to present “A Classic Broadmoor Christmas”.  Join us for this magnificent, heart-warming holiday show for the entire family. The show features Colorado favorites, the Broadmoor Pops Band, and a special presentation of dancing, singing and fun. Doors will open for cocktails at 6pm, dinner is served at 7pm and the entertainment will begin at 8pm.

* Accommodations for one night
* Incidental service fee
* Dinner show tickets for each person on the package
* 30% discount off of published Suite rates

Package prices starting at $158 per person, per night based on double occupancy. Limited availability. Not applicable to groups. Rates do not include applicable taxes and fees. Package available December 17, 18, 19 and 22, 23, 24, 2010

Stay at The Broadmoor in Colorado Springs in December for Christmas? *adding to my To Do List*

Thanks to @TroutTowers for the Favorite Hotels suggestion!

Photos courtesy: The Broadmoor